Goose

Mother's Day was this past weekend, and at church that day the pastor asked for all the women to come up to the stage so we could honor them - not only as actual mothers, but as spiritual mentors, mother figures, etc. He said their kids could come stand with them if they were there. I, who still see myself as a "kid" even though I'm an almost-twenty-four-year-old married woman, went up to the stage with my mom as her daughter. The pastor asked for some kids to hand out little Bath and Body Works hand sanitizers to the moms in honor of the role they play in our lives. And for some God-forsaken reason, my mother told them to give me one. The hand sanitizer smells fantastic and I'm happy to have it in my car now, but I told her I wasn't a mother - I'm not even a mother figure to anyone - so I really didn't need it. She insisted, and I took one anyway.

After the service, I had several ladies come up to me and knowingly smile, "Maybe soon you'll be getting presents on Mother's Day."

First off, I've already gotten one - look at my new hand sanitizer.

Second, no.

I thought people were joking when they warned me about this, but almost immediately after we got back from the honeymoon, people started talking about our babies. And not to be rude or anything, but no. We have a game plan, guys. We want to spend some time with just us before that. Hell, we want to have a dog before that, and I told him I'd like to wait a year before we bring one into the picture.

Besides, we have an unkillable plant lying dead on our coffee table - how can we possibly take care of a baby?

In all seriousness, we do want kids someday. I want to try my hand at being a mom and I know he'll be an amazing dad. But we have some things to take care of first. Our goal has always been for me to be a stay-at-home mom: we were both raised by mothers in the home and we think that would be the best option for us. (Note that I said "best for us" - I neither suggested that it was the only option or best for everyone.) And at this point he doesn't have a job that would support a family of three.

WAITNOSTOPDON'TSAYWHATIKNOWYOU'REGOINGTOSAY- I know. "If you wait until you're financially stable, you'll never have kids." DON'T SAY THAT TO ME. Because that's not what I mean. I mean, we want to wait until he has a job where I can stay home and we won't be living paycheck to paycheck. Now nod your head and say, "How responsible of you."

I'm reading a book right now that talks about love (like, actual love - not that romantic-feeling love), and it mentioned how the most healthy of marriages flourish when the two people in it remember that they are two separate people - each with their own intricate network of hopes, dreams, goals, and projects. Those did not go away when we got married, and they should not be squelched by the other person. (Unless overtly dangerous or illegal.) And we have those dreams, guys. We nurture those dreams in each other. And we know that, if we decide to have kids before we reach those goals, we'll take over the role of responsible parents and put those dreams on the back burner - who knows when we'll get around to achieving them? And we're not ready for that kind of tie-down.

I want to be a writer. And I will have a book finished and published before I take over as a mother.

Now nod your head and say, "How driven of you."

What really irks me about the child debate are those well-meaning people who smile and say, "Oh, but..."

Now to be rude, but keep your "but."

Listen, this little life that we're creating is ours. It's full of possibilities and uncertainty and confusion and lessons to be learned, and we're excited to figure it out together. And it drives me crazy when people with the kindest of intentions try to tell me that the goals we have set are subject to change. We know that. But leave those changes to us. Don't tell me, "Oh, you'll have a baby within a year after you get married." We very well might. We're taking every precaution not to, because babies are gross and we don't need that headache right now. But do not presume to tell me how our life will play out. Allow us to make our choices, like you did. Let us experiment and plan and try and fail and figure it out - like you did.

Now nod your head and say, "OK."