Wait

The moment has come when I collapse in my bedroom floor and utter the helpless words, “My God, I don’t know what to do.”

This is really frustrating for someone who likes to know the answers. The last few months have been an exercise in patience and I feel like I’ve been failing it miserably. We don’t have a choice but to deal with what’s in front of us, and I’ve been cool with that. I decided not to fall into the career of my degree, and I dealt with it. I have a full-time job, and right now the fact that I’m working full-time anywhere is a bonus. I looked for an avenue for my writing to be read, and lo and behold, I was published in a book out of the blue. Joe and I have been working with a long-distance relationship for the past almost-two years and in just a few months that distance is about to become a whole lot shorter.

And now, when it looked like we had an answer to our housing prayer, it looks like it might have fallen through. The owner of the house we were planning on renting just called me and said that someone made an offer on it. It might fall through, he says, but I know what “might” means. So we’re back in the game of house-hunting, when I have no credit and we can’t get pre-approved for a loan until Joe gets his first paycheck, which won’t come until June. And now, in a place that we’ve been so sure…now nothing is certain.

I was looking in the back of my Bible for the “trust” category so I could read yet another verse about how important it is to trust in Jesus, just to trust Him at His word. Instead I followed the lead that said “WAIT” to Jeremiah 42.5-7:

“Then they said to Jeremiah, ‘May the Lord your God be a faithful witness against us if we refuse to obey whatever He tells us to do! Whether we like it or not, we will obey the Lord our God to whom we are sending you with our plea. For if we obey Him, everything will turn out well for us.’ Ten days later the Lord gave His reply to Jeremiah.”

Ten days. Ten days. I haven’t waited ten days on a decision in months. I’ve been so focused on finding an answer that I haven’t bothered to ask God for His answer in His timing. And now that the only door that seemed open to us appears to have shut in our faces, and we’re standing in the dark with no apparent answer, I have literally no plan except to sit in my bedroom floor and pray with every ounce of silent being in me for His answer.

But not only for His answer. For an extra measure of patience and strength to wait on His answer that will come in His perfect timing.

My God operates on a different plane than I do, observes from a different vantage point. And credit and paychecks are no obstacle to Him. I put my trust in my God. I trust that He has a perfect answer waiting for us. I trust that this is a learning opportunity that will grow both of our faiths as we turn to Him for a response rather than trying to come up with one on our own.

We are called to wait on the Lord. This does not mean to wait for the Lord. While I’m sitting in my bedroom floor begging for answers, this doesn’t mean I will stay here and wait for a phone call from someone offering us a house. But my trust shifts from my own work and my own power to find an option and rather trusts that my God has not only an option, but a perfect option.

I am spent. I am emotionally and physically beat. And so I turn to my God for patience I don’t have and strength I can’t muster. I trust that He has an answer that I cannot provide for myself.

And I will wait.