Shine

It's been a week since we've come back to school to knock out the last two months before graduation. I can't believe I'm saying this, but today marks fifty days left. Count 'em: FIFTY. Not fifty school days, not fifty weekdays - FIFTY DAYS PERIOD. While I thought that I'd be pumped to see that in front of me, I have to say it's sobering. Fifty days before the lifestyle that I - and so many of my brothers and sisters who face down that graduation deadline - have known for the past four years will end. It's exciting and confusing and terrifying as our futures are just over that cliff called Commencement Day.

All we have to do is jump.

Or be pushed.

Either way, we're going over.

But that's not what I want to focus on. It's so easy to get caught up in "what will be" instead of "what is." As a good friend of mine reminded me not too long ago, prepare for the future, but don't focus on it all the time.

I'm actually writing as an update to my last entry. (See "House".) I've decided to start a short "journey." A month-long journey, actually. Though I forgot that starting something in early March and ending it at Easter is technically called "Lent," so I guess you could call it a Lent journey - I'm not (though it does make it easy to keep track of it on a calendar) so do what you will. In any case, from this past Monday (10 March) to Thursday before Easter (17 April), I have decided to give up coffee. Sometimes when I go to bed at night, I think, "Oh, yay, I get coffee tomorrow morning." And I think there should be a better reason to get out of bed than to have a cup of coffee. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm an addict, and I don't like the idea of being addicted to anything.

Except maybe bread. I'd be alright with being addicted to bread.

And cheese.

Anyway.

I've also started a Countdown to Summer Preparation. (You have no idea how long it took me to come up with some kind of pithy name for this, and I'm a little embarrassed to say that was the product.) For the next month (roughly), I'm gonna start taking better care of myself. Not so I can look better in a bathing suit, not so I can look in the mirror and say "Damn, I look good." It's simply so I feel better, so I don't look at the ground when I walk past people on the sidewalk like I have something to be ashamed of. For the past week I've gotten back onto MyFitnessPal (which is AWESOME if you are dedicated to keeping track of how much you eat, exercise, drink water, etc. while also giving you realistic weight loss goals and nutrition tips. It's the best accountability site that I've come across yet. Plus I love the little party I have in my head when I complete an entry for a "good" day") and am really proud of the progress I've made so far, strictly because I've been dedicated to it. I haven't seen any progress on the scales yet, but I feel so much better about myself already. And that's the goal.

I have no ultimate number in mind, no ideal figure that I want to achieve. I'm not taking pills or doing seaweed purges (what a horrible thought - do those even exist?) - I'm just keeping an eye on what I eat, working out a few times a week, and drinking more water than I normally do. And there's a deadline in sight: I'm just sticking with this until 17 April. I don't believe in those "3 Weeks to a Beach Body" schpiels. (Dr. Oz, I'm on to your shenanigans.) And we'll see what the results are when I get there.

So why am I writing about this? What do you guys care about my trying to get in better shape?

You probably don't. And that's fine. But I need the accountability. Throughout the next few weeks I'll be writing about my journey and posting it here, occasionally talking about my progress, struggles, etc. And that won't be the only thing I write about, I promise - I have more things to say than just "I did Zumba for two hours" or "I caved and ate a doughnut, I'm such a failure."

Which I will never write - doughnuts should never be associated with failure. Unless you get doughnuts after you failed something to make you feel better. Which is acceptable.

I also want it to be an encouragement to you who are looking to embark on a similar journey. So many times you see the commercials that say "I lost >enter amount of< pounds with >enter name of some fitness guru fad< in >enter number of 'results may vary'< days." But you don't hear about the days when they wanted to give up, when they accidentally ate an M&M and wanted to throw in the towel, when they had one day where they didn't exercise for an hour and inhaled a hot fudge sundae instead and thought their lives were over, that they were on a slippery slope to 700 pounds. This will be a real account of what hard work, dedication, and a few slips will do. (Oh, there will be slips. I'm going out with some girls for ice cream tomorrow. Bet on it.)

I will get frustrated. I almost broke and drank a coffee today. You will hear how aggravated I get, when my body hurts in the morning and I don't want to get out of bed and I just want to be finished. For the past three mornings my hips have screamed "I HATE YOU!!!!!" when I bent down to tie my shoes. (They do that a lot lately, though, I'm getting used to that.)

But I'm committed. And I can't wait to share my journey with you. And I hope that some of you will join me and tell me about your journeys too! It's just until April - it's a month and four days. As my precious Linus used to say, "That's totally do-able."

I don't want this to sound like a weight-loss bandwagon. It's an encouragement to see how far you can push yourself (BUT STAY HEALTHY, MY GOODNESS, THIS IS NOT ADVOCATING EATING DISORDERS OR INSANE DIETS OR MEDICAL PROCEDURES, BE KIND TO YOUR BODY, IT'S THE ONLY ONE YOU'VE GOT!). Make it fun! Make it a challenge. Just make feeling better about yourself a priority.

"Hello, my name is Bethanie, and my spirit animal is Jillian Michaels."