Breakfast

In less than a week I will be twenty years old. Typically, as with the end of a school year, I take a minute to evaluate what’s going on in my head – lessons, realizations, brainstorms, what-have-you. As I sit this morning in a quiet house, I have a chance to think about things. And I realized that the life in which I find myself can be described as “day in, day out.” And I’ve had more comforting thoughts to ponder over breakfast.

This morning I let my dogs out of their crates, got them breakfast, made coffee, ate a protein bar, got on the computer. I’m about to pour another cup of coffee, go get a shower, go to work for eight hours, come home, eat dinner, work on biology homework, clean, watch TV, read, then crash into bed, just to do the same thing tomorrow. I know I’m only nineteen (twenty in six days) and that this life I’m living will pass. But what if it’s the first of many stages? What if the rest of my life will be punching a time clock and having that “just getting by” feeling hovering over my head?

What do you do when you realize your life is becoming “day in, day out”?

How do you change that? If you even can?

It’s a great comfort to me that this “now” is temporary. I won’t always be here. I won’t always work at a job I hate or don’t understand. Biology won’t last forever. I won’t always be confused. Actually I probably will be, but maybe someday I’ll be able to articulate it, maybe even fix it. Eventually I will be able to look backwards and be grateful instead of yearning for “forward”. A day is coming when I won’t put so much stock in my appearance or what people think. I’ll feel the freedom to live out my dreams and say “Screw the logic, screw the reality dose.” I won’t be afraid to put myself out into the world, I’ll remember that failure is a disguised stepping stone. I will play the violin whether I’m good or not, no matter who hears me. I might follow a whim or two, without regard for what others deem it, “cool” or “lame” with a raised eyebrow and wrinkled lip. Maybe someday I won’t rely so heavily on their opinions – I’ll listen to the head on my shoulders and the heart within me and realize that they are actually much stronger than I gave them credit for.

I have a lot of “somedays” left to live.

Who says I can’t start living them today?

We'll re-evaluate in the next twenty years.