Institution

In about twelve hours I will be a college junior. Counting that unavoidable extra semester (the perils of changing majors so late in the game) I am almost halfway through my college career. Only one more final stands in the way...but it's fundamentals of grammar...not exactly worth a proper freak-out.

At this time, ladies and gentlemen, it is the custom to reflect on the past year and see what I've learned and how I've grown. Sophomore year is supposedly harder class-wise than freshman year - you're getting more involved in major-related classes and they expect a little more of you than the gen eds. But you're used to the way things work: how you study best, exactly what defines "clean" for roomchecks, maybe three months is a little too long to keep chili in your fridge (not personal experience), how long you can make a half-gallon of milk last between you and your roommate. In theory you have a good idea of who you are by this point, where you fit, where you are most "you". You have a pretty set group of friends, you know which buildings go by which acronyms, and you know to avoid the meat at the cafeteria's Mexican bar (we aren't exactly sure what it's made of, but calling it "meat" is a little vague). And most importantly, you don't stick out as a freshman, using a tray in the cafeteria (the only way we know who's a visitor) and studying a campus map with a scared/lost look on your face.

I think the biggest thing I've learned this year is to let things go. Especially last fall, I ran around with a vendetta toward everybody. I was constantly up-in-arms about this and pissed off at that and just couldn't stand that person at all. I would get frustrated, sometimes downright angry for absolutely no reason; my mood would flip on a dime, and I would get so upset, I couldn't see straight. Or worse, I would sit and fume until I exploded over somebody who breathed wrong. This spring particularly has been a new start and a lesson in not caring so much what other people do. I got especially fed up with a guy in one of my classes; every time he opened his mouth, I would flair at his ignorance and closed-mindedness. But as a very wise friend of mine told me, "He is NOT my problem." I'm learning to ditch the "angry young man" theme and go more with that Zac Brown Band song: "save your strength for things that you can't change, forgive the ones you can't, you gotta let it go." I mentioned this to Linus the other day, and she pointed out how freeing it is to live focusing only on controlling yourself and leaving other people to do for themselves. It's still a work in progress, but at least there's been progress.

Our room is packed away, the walls are bare, and we rebunked our beds. By this time tomorrow we'll be gone, another year will be in the bag, and we'll be one step closer to adulthood and all the pain and joy it has to offer. As I sit on my bottom bunk, looking at this room that will only be mine for a few more hours, I try to savor it for a minute. I can't help but grind in my heels just a little against the clock and say, "I know I have to keep growing up, and I have to be responsible this summer, taking an online class and going back to work full-time on Monday. But hang on just for a minute. Let me sit in this room where my only responsibility is to be a student. I'll keep going down that path toward the grown-up world tomorrow. For now, just let me be."