This morning I stood on my back porch, preparing to write the biggest check I've ever seen, let alone penned myself. Joe and I are buying a house. Which requires lots of money. We've been smart with our finances so far and we have more than enough for the down payment, but still the worrier in me (which is basically all of me) sinks under the covers and wonders, "What if something comes up? What about hidden costs? What about my students loans? What if my car takes a shit again?"
All these "what if's" that threaten to make me back out of this house that we want so badly. It's exactly what we're looking for. It's perfect for us. And yet the fear inside of me grips that four-figure check and says, "Hang on to it for as long as you can."
While I was standing there in the morning summer sunshine, a cardinal landed on the tree just off our porch. Everybody knows that God takes care of birds, so how much more will He provide for you, but I've mentioned in a few previous posts that cardinals are a different signal for me: from sophomore year of college when I was angry at everything to the week before I started student teaching, the red birds have whispered to me, "You'll be OK." This morning, though, something in my heart started singing:
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father...
The minute we walked into the house, we knew that this was the one. Homeowners say they understand that feeling, and now we do as well. It goes even further back to last summer when I knew that Joey Gaut was the one, and that I wanted to be with him, and it didn't matter where. And for maybe the second or third time in the chaos that has been the last six months, I felt peace - delicious, unmistakable, wash-over-you-like-a-wave peace that this big adventure is falling into place in exactly the right way. We aren't acting on our own here. We are being guided and molded even as I write, and we are balancing being smart with being reliant on our God's promises.
If all goes well, we should move Joey into the house by mid-August. We both appreciate your prayers through this crazy process.
Happy Monday, dear friends.
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father.
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not:
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning, new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided -
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.
